No Thong You

My latest favorite blogger, “Good at Drinking, Bad at Life” (see how much we have in common?), complains occasionally why more women don’t wear boy-short style panties.

As a celebrator of all things boy short, allow me to offer a possible explanation (aside from the panty-line argument, which is also totally valid depending on your outfit): boy shorts are made for fatties.

Now before y’all jump down my throat, allow me to ‘splain: this is not to say that thin women would never wear boy shorts (and look damn sexy in them) or vice versa, but I think in general the division in undergarment preference is between women without much booty and women with a big ol’ butt they want to cover up.

Or maybe it’s just me.

When I was a bit thinner, I wore plenty of thongs…although granted mainly those halfsies thongs that had more than just a little string connecting the back to the front. String underwear is not a good look for me, I end up looking like a pork roast.

Furthermore, I don’t really get why g-string wearers don’t just go commando. That three centimeter triangle of fabric covering your gremlin isn’t really doing much, you know? My assumption is that they just secretly like the way the string sticks out at the top of their ass when they bend over.

Sluts.

(No, I’m not jealous.)

(Shut up.)

But with the right sexy matching boy short/bra combo, a girl can look hot and not worry about her butt showing too much, or that the guy is going to try and season her love handles and stick them in the oven.

There’s also the comfort factor. Even when I wore thongs on a daily basis I was always remarkably aware that there was a piece of fabric parked between my ass cheeks. You get used to it, but it’s always there. When I get back down to my fighting weight I think I’ll probably only break out the thong when a severe panty line situation is on the horizon.

Consider me officially in the boy short camp.

In other news, I'm dying for a fucking cigarette.

Since giving them up at New Year's, I've cracked and cheated only twice, once on a night I was so drunk I ended up glued to the bathroom floor with alcohol poisoning, and once when I was in DC with all my goddamn chimney friends (you try staying strong through that).

Other than that, I haven't really thought much about them.

But ever since ditching sweets for lent, it's all I think about....I have actual fantasies about sitting in my favorite spot back at Mackey's (where you can't even smoke anymore, the travesty), dragging luxuriously on a nice Marlboro light and knocking back Rickeys with my partners in crime.

Mmmmmmmm......

(Must. Not...Fold!!)