The Oscah Blog, Part Deux

(Please click here for the Oscah Blog, Part One..)

730: J-Lo looks pre-go in her pretty, kind of Grecian gown. But her husband continues to have the callow complexion of a cross between an AIDS patient and the cartoon guy from "Corpse Bride."

739: Oh my lord, Kate Winslet, can I be you? Please? Gorgeous. GORGEOUS.

750: All right, so I can’t really harp on Streep. I mean, my goodness, she’s Streep for chrissake. But she appears to be wearing a housedress of some kind, mixed with some sort of tribal necklaces/mardi gras beads. It’s a very…odd look. Great, now I’m going to get struck by lightning.

751: Now I’m really going to get struck by lightning. But: sorry, Abigail Breslin. Your dress is F-U-G. It looks like a dress that maybe would have come with Easter Barbie, if there were an Easter Barbie. There’s really not a whole lot a 10-year old can do about looking chic, I mean 10-year olds are supposed to look like Easter Barbie. But this is the Oscars. Would a little Dior have killed her, just for one night? Hm.

,mmkllll ß Brought to you by Chloe the cat, still not grasping the concept of “computer not cat” plan for my lap tonight.

800: Kind of fun little montage with characters from the nominated movies. But it’s always, always funnier when Billy Crystal does it. I think “Academy Awards Host” should be the only thing Billy Crystal ever does, actually. I know I’m in the minority on that, but hey, I can’t help it. I like those goofy little songs he sings.

803: Leo talks about conflict diamonds like his 12 year old model girlfriend doesn’t bathe in them nightly.

804: Naomi Watts….I don’t know. It reminds me of something Carol Seaver would have worn on the prom episode of “Growing Pains.” Nicole Kidman, in gorgeous red, is so tall and thin that she looks like a paper cut. A really, really, really pretty paper cut.

812: I am unsurprised to learn that Vogue’s Andre Leon Talley styled Jennifer Hudson’s look. That man is a big fan of the “obnoxiously unnecessary coat.”

813: “Devil Wears Prada” (and “Sex and the City”) costumer Patricia Fields, is wearing red sequins that do nothing to disguise her ginormous gunt, and with her hideously scarlet dyed hair, she looks like a haggy, washed-up, boob-sagging Jessica Rabbit. Sad! I’ll never look at “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” the same again.

817: Apologies for the lack of originality here, but…Penelope Cruz really looks like a feather duster. That’s not a creative way to describe her dress, which is stunning from the waist up. But really, I have a feather duster in my linen closet, that really is what it looks like.

819: Oooh, Eddie Murphy non-baby-mama Tracy Edmonds really should have pulled her Spanx up higher. There’s a definitive line at her waist, and her dress is, wow, well, there really may have been a Bedazzler involved.

822: Mmm, Ryan Gosling. Bad tux, hot guy. I need new underwear for the first time tonight. Good times!

825: Five minutes to showtime, I’m giddy. Need to pee, I’ll try to post Part Three, with the meat of the actual show, all in one big bit, probably around three hundred oclock tonight. Enjoy the show!