I'm Sorry, I Just Don't Have Much To Do This Week

I think one of the guys in those creepy video Match.com commercial ad things that are all over MySpace right now is the guy who played "Seth with the Tiny Penis" in "The 40-Year Old Virgin." And it amuses the shit out of me every time I see it. But, those ads are still creepy.

I've done Match before in the past, with varied levels of success.

Actually scratch that, I've never gotten laid by someone I met on Match, so therefore it did not result in success. But I did have some nice dates with nice guys, is what I mean.

Wait, did I get laid?

~thinks~

Nope. Definitely not. Two guys had potential, but one ended up being potentially gay, and the other ended up dumping my ass before we made it past third base. Oh well.

Anyhow, stole this from my buddy Pat, sorry for another survey but I am bored as poo, and they are fun.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Credit cards. Even when I make a huge payment (well, huge to me anyway) they never seem to go down.

2. What's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
Top of the Hotel Washington in D.C. I don't know if they have food up there, but I've been there for cocktails a few times, and it's great.

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Um, a week ago. Yeah, I am 27.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
If I recall correctly (and you never know), I danced on a bar at Alicia's bachelorette party in the summer of 2004.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Guinesso? Something italiany

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
I'm missing DC at the moment for some reason, so I guess I'd like to be at Mackey's with all my friends like I'd never left. Man, now I am depressed.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Lame: A writer. You know, those who can't write, blog.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
One, G-Dubya. Loved DC, hated G-dub. And I'll be paying my loans off literally until the day I die, then they'll be all my illegitimate kids' problems.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
Becuase I'm going out after work tonight and it shows my tits off. I'm slutty, whoo!

10. GAS PRICES! First thought?
I remember when the Shell down the street from my childhood home had gas for .97 a gallon. Does that age me?

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you...
I think I'd move to Boston, but only if I could buy a massive house and transport all the people I miss the most into it, so I could have access to them whenever. Oh and Tom Brady, so I could have "access" to him whenever.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
&$#@!!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
"Wow, you were amaaazing, Right Hand. We should do this again sometime!"

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Boy shorts

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Boxers, definitely. Anything else just shows their shit, and penis pouches are just not sexy. Unless you're Tom Brady.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Honestly, all of 'em. I ought to be able to just lay on a platform all day like Jabba the Hut, with sex slaves all round me dressed in purple and gold. This is disturbing becuase lately I've actually begun to resemble Jabba, so let's move on.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
If I didn't have to work, I'd probably be too drunk to volunteer anywhere.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleeeeeeep.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Beavis and Butthead, they were ahead of their time. Eric Cartman should send them a check.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
You know that game where you touch hands and the person with their hands on the bottom tries to smack the hands of the person with their hands on top? That. Mostly becuase when members of the opposite sex play that game, it usually leads to doing it anyway.

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
I didn't vote in the last presidential election, even though I was like, in charge of a phone bank and all active and whip at the convention and stuff. I'm a loser.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
When I broke up with my last boyfriend and realized that if I still wanted to have a baby by the time I was 30 I needed to meet my husband immediately. That freaked me out. I'm now aiming for the 35 range so I don't give myself a stroke.

23. Favorite 80's movie?
Heathers, no question.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Salami. Hehehe.

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Herpes, it's actually in the air there.

26. Beach or lake?
Beach

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
No, but probably only becuase I like being the center of attention so much, so I'll want to be a bride someday. Hopefully I won't look like Jabba in a wedding dress.

28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
Basically, anyone I don't see as much. I'm on my DC friends' pages all the time, becuase it's an easy way to keep up with them. Oh, and Kevin Federline.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
America's Next Top Model

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
"It Takes Two," which is an OLSEN TWINS movie that ripped off "The Parent Trap." To quote the Sports Guy, "I will now set myself on fire."

31.What's your drink?
Lately, Jack & Diet. Or Captain & Diet. Or margarita. Okay, Alcohol. Alcohol is my drink.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Red Sox, thanks.

33. Cops or Robbers?
I have a girl-crush on Callie from CSI: Miami. I'd totally make out with her, and I covet her long blonde hair.

I'm not sure why it skips from 33 to 38, but there you have it...

38. Who from high school would you like to run into?
High school, god. I agree with Pat, there isn't anyone from high school. that I want to see that I don't see. Everyone else can suck on it. But I guess my friend John, we are big time IM chums, but I haven't seen the motherfucker in two and a half years.

39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? Sirius, Howard 100.

42. Norm or Cliff?
NORM!

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
Simpsons

44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I sometimes think that me and my ex stayed together way longer than we should have becuase we were afraid to be alone, but I don't think of it like it is such a terrible thing, I mean, we had fun.

45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
No one does! I am so ronery!

46. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
Peyton Manning (okay, not really, don't sue me, Archie.)

47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Tom Brady or Matt Damon, if by "dinner" you mean "sexual intercourse."

48. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Oops, I guess I skipped ahead there.

49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No. But what are other people doing with fire extinguishers that this is a question??

50. Last book you read for real?
Embarassing, but it was "Mary, Mary," the latest Alex Cross novel by James Patterson. In my defense, I borrowed it from my mom to read on the plane, and polished it off in less than 10 hours of travel this weekend.

51. Do you have a teddy bear?
Nope, just a stuffed elephant named Harold.

52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Um, I sometimes will brush while peeing to save time.

53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Napa...mmm, wine.

54. Number of texts in a day?
Um, sometimes tons, sometimes none. It definitely is a direct proportion to alcohol intake.

55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
A new relationship...I'm definitely growing weary of singleton life at this point. Plus, I miss spooning, and the gigolos will only do that if you pay extra.

56. Do you go to church?
No, I think I'd burst into flames.

57. Pencil or pen?
Pen

58. Bueller??? bueller???
Aw, great flick.

59. How many jobs have you had?
I think like 20. I got fired a lot in my youth.

60. What do you want to achieve in life?
I'd like to write a book, even if it never gets published. I'd like to write for an entertainment magazine. I'd like to take a summer touring Europe, if I ever have the money. I'd like to have a house on a beach. I'd like a lot of things. Hopefully some of them will pan out...

Yay for 2007. Kelly says it's her "Year of the Husband," which kills me becuase she never stops being optimistic. I think for me it's going to be "Year of the Fresh Start," becuase 2006, in many ways, was a HUGE gong show for me. It was awesome, I had great fun, I moved back to Manch Vegas.....but I definitely need to revamp some things.

But first, let's drink.