I've tried, after evaluating it in my own mind and consulting with others. I've tried really hard to NOT be cat-blogging lady.Becuase the only thing worse than someone who won't ever shut up about their kids is someone who won't ever shut up about their cats. At least kids are like, important in life. Cats are just something single women acquire to feel 1/10th less lonesome in the dark and lonesome nights, right? Right.
And I am far too young, far too cool, and frankly far too awesome to allow myself to be that lady that sits at home at night blogging about her cats.
But I guess that's not really true now, is it? They are making me crazy. I understand now why spinsters get them in lieu of getting to have babies. Becuase they wake me up every single goddamn morning at 5 in the goddamn morning.
Fu? IS NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They've even proven too tough for all the Advil PM I had to take after hurting my back on St. Patrick's Day.
They purposefully rattle my goddamn jewelery around on my dresser. They scratch, and I'm serious here, I timed it, they scratch in their litter box for 12 minutes straight.
The litterbox is in the bathroom, but they scratch in it with such fury that it WAKES ME OUT OF A SOUND SLEEP IN MY BEDROOM.
And when they hear me stir? They come running into the room, looking at me all expectantly. So I know it's on fucking purpose.
And alls I'm saying is, I'm gonna snap.
Furthermore, why does anyone even agree to be on "The Bachelor" anymore? Do they not realize that a) America generally thinks you're a crazed whore, and b) aside from one exception out of dozens of crazy bitches, no one ever actually ends up married? And they actually had to give that chick her own show so she could end up married.
I assume it's about wanting to be famous, but being famous for being a crazy bitch on TV isn't really all that cool, is it?
Maybe that's why I'm sane.
Of course, I did just write a big old rant about my cats, so maybe not. But cat ladies very rarely end up on "The Bachelor."
5 comments:
http://boortz.com/images/funny/free_cat.jpg
That is officially the new lead image on this post, thank you Heather! and also, HAHAHAHA. I almost just peed.
You also need the bumper stickers that say:
I love cats, they're delicious.
Cats the other other white meat.
Cats are annoying, and they are complete bastards, and they hate all human life. It's really hard to see what people see in them.
CS: I used to have this giant sticker on my bulletin board at work that read, "PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals."
Mr.: Well, they are nice when you're not feeling well and they come snuggle you on the couch and stuff. And I'm a complete bitch sometimes, so I have that in common with them, I suppose....I just don't wake people up at 5 in the damn morning!
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