It Takes Two...To Pull Me Away from the TV

I've been a fan of Sarah Bunting's (aka "Sars" for those non TWoP readers among us) writing for ages, but I don't recall the last time I ever came so close to snapping my neck nodding along with one of her posts until today.

The nodding started last week, when she listed out a bunch of classic books and movies she has always meant to read/watch but never got around to. I currently have a post-it full of book titles I need to take down to Barnes and Noble, which I've been meaning to read for, oh, three hundred and eighty-seven YEARS. It's stuck to my desk right next to the unpaid doctor's bill I keep meaning to sort out from October of 2005, where they are trying to claim that I was diagnosed with chest pain or something when it was only a damn physical. Every day I think, "I will call about that again today and see about getting it cleared up."

And every day I leave work going "D'oh!"

So you can imagine how far through that list of books I've gotten.

But there's better things to do, don't you see? Like my 85th viewing of the Farrelly brothers crapfest otherwise known as "Fever Pitch."

Which is the point Sars made, today, as I chuckled and giggled myself into several damn coughing fits (oh did I mention that I'm pretty sure I have the flu? Good times!):

"Why? Why? I could read Dante! I could catch up on vintage sitcoms! I could tutor a child or have tea with a friend! But no: I've got my feet up on the coffee table, sharing a bowl of kettle corn with an overweight feline and watching Stakeout -- again! Actual astronauts do not know as much about airlock technology from the 1980s as I do, because I have seen SpaceCamp more times than Americans have gone to the actual moon!"

I bolted from work at exactly five today, more excited for my couch than I've ever been in my life. And found (fucking) "Fever Pitch" waiting for me on HBO.

This movie is about as good as I feel right now (read: as in, NOT GOOD AT ALL).

But you know what? I watched it anyway. For the 85th time. I can't turn it off. I'm powerless against it. Why? Becuase they play Dropkick Murphy's at the end and show real footage of the final out and the victory parade, which makes me fire up the waterworks and get all giddy and happy and flashbacky to when it actually happened.

(*tear)

Ever see "The Long Kiss Goodnight?" This is seriously (seriously) in my top five. I would normally never admit this. But I'm sorry, Geena Davis straps on FIGURE SKATES and chases the bad guys across a frozen lake and SHOOTS THEM WITH A MACHINE GUN while performing a CARTWHEEL. On ICE SKATES.

It's so good. And Samuel L. Jackson is there. And Geena snaps the neck of...a deer. Yeah, I don't know. It's just so good. I've seen it like, 24 times.

So Sars? I feel ya. And don't even get me started on the Olsen twins/Kirstie Alley/Steve Guttenberg trifecta also known as "It Takes Two." Can't. Not. Watch. Mary-Kate Olsen driving a hansom cab. Seriously. Can't resist. I mean, come on.

In other news, I think I'm checking myself into rehab.

Well, Virtual Imaginary Rehab anyway.

Next week, I go to Mardi Gras. When I return, I am going to sentence myself to 28 days sobriety.

(Ah! "28 Days!" Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and meets quirky characters! Steve Buscemi as a drug counselor! Viggo Mortensen as a drug-addled baseball player! It's gold!!)

I know those of you who know me in real life are probably laughing hysterically. But really, I think it's necessary.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go fish my lung out of the kitchen sink and try to stuff it back in after my latest coughing fit.

I promise to blog about it often and will totally cop to it if I cheat...wish me luck! (Oh, did I mention that the 28th day is St. Patrick's Day? Yeah.)