I've got that going on fierce today. Except instead of making out with a guy, I was making out with an extremely hard door. At the bottom of an extremely steep flight of stairs. Down which I tumbled, face first at around 245 this morning.
I'd like to apologize to the stairs located on Winchester Street in Virginia, becuase I've been saying for months now that I "fell down the stairs" in reference to what I now realize was merely a minor stumble that occurred last 4th of July.
That shit don't even qualify, despite the fact that I was crippled for the following 6 weeks.
This, this was falling down the stairs done right. The best part being that I totally called it. As we were about to make our way down the stairs, I basically said, "Wow, I'm totally falling down these stairs!" One point two seconds later? Well, you get the idea.
(Sidebar: This reminds me so much of a famous incident from my undergrad years (what, you think this aversion I seem to have to remaining upright was a recent development?), in which I was strolling along, sober as a preschooler, on my way to the dining hall or some such, and I stumbled. I caught myself, turned to my friend Brian and said, "Wow that was close, I almost fe--!!!" I was cut off in the middle of pronouncing my own victory over gravity by another stumble, this one far more successful than the first. I went down like a ton of bricks, and Brian will never let me forget this. You know how some people are like, Civil War re-enactors? Brian is a "Sarah eats it in the middle of saying she almost ate it" re-enactor. Good times.)
Below are some figures to assist in your understanding of the following mathematical formua:
Sarah + 4-inch Ankle Boots + 5 Jack & Diets + 4 Bud Lights + 0 Cigarettes (aka "highly anxious mental condition") + Very Steep Steps = Disaster
The Offending (If Awesome) Boots:
And the inevitable result:
Results: No major injuries. Unbelievable!
My left leg is black and blue up and down, there is a large gash on my left knee, my left eblow is a bit skinned, and I have minor aches and pains throughout the rest of my body, notably in my neck, shoulders and back.
My stuntwoman-worthy headfirst face plant into the door at the bottom of the stairs seems to have resulted only in a slightly tender, raw chin.
Basic Saturday, really.
1 comment:
This reminds me of the time I ate shit in the middle of L Street with oncoming traffic while jaywalking on my way back to the office from lunch at Mackey's. Except I hadn't been drinking. But like you I had ridiculously high heels on. And I gave myself whiplash from the fall (which is the achey feeling you've got, by the way)...good times. I feel your pain.
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