Soy Joy, Oh Boy

I've been eating soy-based cheese alternative.

That's what it says on the package. "Alternative." Is this fake cheese from Seattle? Was it the original drummer in Nirvana? Was the song really "Smells like Fake Cheese"? (Ew.)

So yes, I haven't eaten any meat (save a hangover-induced lean cuisine chicken flatbread sandwich on Sunday, and a shrimp stir fry earlier this week) in over two weeks.

At one point I'd lost seven pounds from this goddamn sonofabitch diet, but it changes on a daily basis as I go up 4, down 3, up 2, down 5, etc etc until I want to shoot myself in the freaking face...or maybe just chop off a limb. That'd have to be good fro 20 lb, right? Right????

This is what I don't get. I gained so much weight by eating like a disgusting pig and never going to the gym. I've been a freaking saint on both counts for more than 2 weeks, and I can hardly lose 4 pounds? I still weight 15 pounds more than I did a year ago, and only THEN will I be back to where I started, which is actually 25 pounds more than where I was a year before that.

And the most hilarious part about that, is that at that point, 40 whole pounds lighter than I am now, I was miserable because THAT was 40 whole pounds more than I was at my lightest.

See how this math can get depressing?

But anyhow, there is a silver lining.

I feel fantastic, I like the diet, and eating healthy does please me. I don't eat anything that isn't fairly all-natural, wholesome, high-fiber, etcetera. And the exercise is doing some good at least, because my clothes feel looser. Although really, I'm tired of hearing all this bullshit about "inches". What, I'm going lose like 10 inches off my waistline all without losing more than 5 pounds? GIVE ME A BREAK.

Oh whoops, that part was supposed to be silver lining.

In other news, I've got a roommate for the first time in four years and it's definitely weird.

Let me ask you guys something: are the mysteries of the modern shower curtain really so hard to fathom? I mean, really.

I'm no neat freak by any stretch, but when people do the following it makes me NUTS:

1) Leave the shower curtain open after shower. Yes, can I please have sopping wet linen all smooshed together in the corner? I'm just dying to grow some nice crusty mildew.

2) Pull the curtain into the shower along with the liner. This one is an especially annoying bullshit thing to do. The liner is waterproof. it's designed to get wet. The curtain is made of fabric, it can get stained, or moldy, or just plain gross. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS????

I think the culprit is her freaking boyfriend, who, oh yes, has been flat-out living with us. Three out of the last four weeks. Seriously.

She told me when she applied that he comes to stay for like a week at a time, maaaybe a week and a half. Right.

So after he leaves this time I'm going to have to tell her that he has to limit his visits or pay rent. Because damn. And I know he is the shower culprit, damnit.

But really otherwise it's good. She is nice, she keeps to herself, and she knows the bf always being probably bugs me, because when he is here they are almost always in her room, so I never have to duke it out for TV control.

But srsly, me and my fake cheese are getting tired of not losing any weight.

FAKE CHEESE, people!