It's Three, Three, Three Posts in One (Day)!

I couldn't shuffle off to beddy bye bye without giving an update on NewGuy:

Um, no update. He didn't call me back after letting me go to field a call from his mummy.

I don't really care, because he had said he was going out tonight when he called. So if he calls me back tomorrow I won't mind. But oh well. That's the update.

Read below if you have no idea what I'm on about.

Um, not the one just below, the one before that.

Because did I mention that this is my third post tonight? This should tide you over, you damn vultures. Oh, and my tits are still hot.

As in, temperature. Because I burned the shite out of them today.

Ew, I just had a gross mental image of boobs spurting poo out their nipples. Now you probably have it, sorry about that. And guys, don't let that image come to mind the next time you're licking a nipple. Oh, except now it totally will. Sorry about that. What can I say? Sorry!

Okay, I had a complaint a while back that my most consistent typo is on the word "because." I actually just misspelled it again. I type really fast, I've been pretty damn great at it ever since ninth grade typing class (A+, bitches!).

Yet for some reason, when I'm typing so fast, I fuck up the word because every time. And yes, I just did it again, and not on purpose. So if you see a post with just the word "because" typed over and over and over? That's why.

Now I will type it ten times without correcting any typos, let's see if I get it right even once:

Becasue because becasue because because becasue becuase beacuase because becasue.

Wow. Only four out of ten. I'm like the Eric Gagne of typing the word because. Must go practice....

Me Flunk English? That's Unpossible!

You know, maybe I expect too much. I know not all the world shares my particular obsession with the proper placement of commas and apostrophes and such.

(By the way, I'll thank you not to find any of the myriad grammatical errors in this very blog and email me about what a hypocrite I am...I enjoy my own hypocrisy, thankyouverymuch.)

And I know that certain rules of grammar, in particular those of commas and apostrophes, can be rather hard to grasp, especially if you're a particularly retarded advertising executive for an adult escort company.

Or, for that matter, a copy editor for a major online news publication.

Otherwise I wouldn't have seen this in a banner ad today:

Now, I'm not actually sure what the proper plural form of the word "ho" is, frankly. I'm going to go out on a limb and say "hoes," as in, "I got hoes in different area codes."

(Which, I'll also point out, doesn't even fucking rhyme, so don't ask me how it became a saying.)

Hoes looks all wrong, but I can't say "hos" looks much better, eh? Dang, I'm really lost here.

But then I went back to the same page and saw the offending banner ad again. And it was at this point I realized that I was complaining all for nothing, and felt like an even bigger weirdo dork than usual:

Becuase it is now obvious that the letter "W" is obscured, and that my zeal for finding and ridiculing grammatical errors overtook my critical thinking ability. After all, it does seem unlikely that a newspaper would be asking its readers whether there were hoes searching for them.

As the Sports Guy might say, the answer, as always: I'm an idiot.

(But seriously, don't ever let me catch any of you trying to use a damn apostrophe to form a plural. I will break my freaking designer heel off in your ass--and then I'll be even more pissed, becuase you'll have made me break my shoe.)