Fu and TeeVee, Sittin' in a Tree...

You know how I always say "TV is good for you?"

It's allegedly tongue in cheek, no matter how much I argue that my weekly intake of hotness that is Franco on "Rescue Me" is vital to my health and well being. (No really, hotness on that show, and not just Franco. Is every man just hotter in a firefighter uniform? Even Denis Leary is hot on this show, and I never once found the man even remotely attractive, except for his onscreen flirtation with the Hotness of Renee Russo Before She Got Weird-Looking in "The Thomas Crown affair," and his accent, which I can never quite pinpoint as precisely Boston but is still hot. But I don't like how everyone always interviews him on those Red Sox World Series DVDs. Is it too much to ask for a little Damon/Affleck action? Sheesh, Ben is only out there at every damn important homegame. Remember when he had a movie career? Where was I?)

But really, I can't believe it took me almost 28 years to realize the glory that is the Sleep Timer.

I've never been a morning person. Getting out of bed, for this chick, is basically the worst possible thing to happen in my usual day. Which explains some of my epic snoozefests of the past, including one beauty from when I first moved into my own apartment (no one to judge me!) and slept one Friday night from two in the morning until three in the afternoon the next day. Without even getting up to pee. I really don't know how I accomplished this, and I really don't think I'll ever duplicate it. I'm so old now that the next time I sleep for that long, I might not wake up at all.

So, I'm the girl who sleeps through her alarm and is late for work several times a year, reigning Queen of the Snooze Button (for what it's worth, also reigning Queen of Showing Up to Work with Wet Hair Due to Lack of Time to Dry it Due to Oversleeping; Queen of Showing Up to Work with Dirty Hair Due to Lack of Time to Even Shower Due to Oversleeping; Queen of Using a Sick Day for No Reason Other Than Just.Can't.Get.Out.Of.BED.; and Queen of All Things Awesome--just cuz).

I've always just thought I was a night person. I never get sleepy at night, I always end up reading until the wee hours, or getting trapped into a movie that started at 11, etc. etc. etc.

That is, until about just over a week ago, when my entire life changed forever. The Sleep Timer!

I decided to watch "Army Wives" in bed last Sunday night. I was about 20 minutes in when I shut my eyes and didn't open them again until the alarm blared to life at 730 the next morning. Whuzzuh? How now? Hrmph? I didn't even NEED to press snooze. (I know! That's apparently what happens when you fall asleep at 10:20 and sleep straight through the night.)

The next night I figured, "Well, let's watch that 'Law and Order Special Victims Unit' episode in bed, and maybe set the timer whooziewhatsit so it shuts off...just in case you fall asleep again."

I think I only experienced about 10 minutes of the Hotness of Detective Eliot Stabler before I was snoozing heavy.

WTF, mates? How did I not know before that watching TV in bed puts people to sleep? I've never felt more rested in my life! In fact, for the last four business days straight (and Sunday, although that was later in the morning) I've pulled my rested old booty out of bed at SIX-FIFTEEN to hit up the gym for an hour before work (I know!!!). Just because I'm falling asleep so fast and early that I don't need to sleep until 730 anymore. Holy shit!

And I owe it all to TV.

Oh, TV! Sniff, just when I thought you couldn't find another way to enrich my life aside from all those "Roseanne" marathons on Nickleodeon.