I am absolutely shallow enough to believe that the quality of man I attract says something about me. Everyone knows that eights end up with eights, and fours with fours. And so on.
I'm probably about a 5 at the moment, but the self esteem reading has been hovering closer to a 2 for the better part of a year, and I think a combination of those factors has allowed me to become quite a hot ticket with the "total loser" element. It is quite an alarming wake up call to realize that the guy who may or may not be mentally impaired keeps hitting on me at the supermarket.
I go to this market near the office a couple times a week to buy sushi for lunch when I'm feeling healthy and 3 or 4 boxes of Oreo Cakesters and a gallon of Hi-C when I'm not.
Regardless, a couple weeks ago this dude was stocking shelves and as I walked past turned to me and said "Wow you look really nice today."
I was tempted to point out that he must think that "nice" means "bloated and zitty," but chose to just say "uh, thanks?" and keep moving. I was wearing a dress and stuff. If he'd been scoping me out for a while he must have been thrown off that I wasn't wearing my usual work outfit of jeans, flip flops, a dumpy sweater, and pungent despair.
Then on Tuesday this week, I saw him again as I was pulling into a parking spot. He was collecting the shopping carts and waved at me enthusiastically, as though we were friends. Bemused, I threw a "WTF" smile and a little wave back at him--big mistake. This emboldened him enough to come up and say hello the second I got out of the car.
"Hi!"
"Hi..."
"..."
"Uh, see ya."
Look, I'm all for guys saying hello when they think a girl is pretty or something. Hey, you never know right? So I know I'm not coming off very well here, and it's not like I'm a frigging beauty queen. Like I said, I'm a 5 on a good day. But this guy? Me and my coworker debated for a few minutes straight about whether or not he was possibly "special." He looked a little like Ron Howard's creepy looking brother.
Which, really, no offense to Ron Howard's brother or anything, but I wouldn't date him either. Oh! Maybe it was closer to the molester guy from "Little Children" who also was Kelly Leak from "Bad News Bears" all grown up, which is wrong on a hundred levels, mostly because that movie ends with him cutting off his own horn and Moe from "Beautiful Girls" rushing him to the hospital.
So yeah, not the best ego boost, that one.
Then there's the Jesus Lover I dated earlier this year, who is now dating a young woman who may or may not be mentally impaired. She's obviously not, but she basically looks...off. Like maybe a little inbred or something. I generally think of my appearance these days as approximately 148 miles of bad road, and I still think I'm about 537 times better looking than this chick.
So does this mean that Jesus Lover Loves Ugly Women?
AND DOES THAT MEAN I'M UGLY?
Between this and the shopping cart guy, it's looking like my drought is going to extend far into 2009.
Probably for the best.
4 comments:
Pungent Despair is a beautiful fragrance. If you get taken on a date in the short bus do you get to use the elevator or do you have to take the stairs?
Obviously the elevator James. I am approaching the level where I'd need two to three cranes to be removed from my apartment if I died. Stairs? What're those????
From my experience with "special" people employed at supermarkets and even laundry mats, for that matter, they tend to be super friendly to everyone. I wouldn't take it personally. As for the jesus freak, I was starting to think you were a little "off" for wanting to be with him. Who dates Jesus freaks?
I can relate. MAN, can I ever. My whole dating life has been that way. Recently I met a nice handsome guy, who has money and a real job and takes care of his kids...so I'm just waiting for the inevitable tard ball to drop. Like he's a Republican or never learned how to boil water...or he has super smelly feet. There has to be SOMEthing.
Oh, and Ron Howard's little brother has ALWAYS been creepy, even when he was really young and played Leon (with the peanut butter sandwich) on the Andy Griffith show in like 1942.
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