This evening, after hitting the gym and stopping in on the grocery store, I was rushing home to catch me some "Top Model" (shut up!), and got stuck in traffic.Behind an approximately 3-year old little girl, complete with blonde pigtails.
In a pink Barbie Power Wheels.
Seriously.
She was tooling along on the STREET while her presumed mom (nanny?) calmly walked a few feet away (on the goddamned sidewalk where they all belong), pushing a big-assed 18-wheeler of a stroller with two more little tykes (beasts?).
I am temporarily good humored.
We get to a stop sign, and Little Miss Slowshine comes to an obligatory halt. I, feeling my annoyance building and fearing a lawsuit, stop about 20 feet behind her.
She turns around and waves at me all cutely while her mom (nanny?) smiled approvingly.
You may be thinking this is a case of Fu's lil old Grinch heart growing again and breaking the heart size-o-meter thing again. I may be thinking, "Aw, how cute!"
No.
"Move it bitch! Get your pink-assed minature Jeep the hell off the road before I take my blue-assed big-girl Jeep right OVER your shit!"
I say this all while waving back and laughing and with all the windows up, of course. Becuase, again, lawsuit.
So Little Miss Slowshine finally gets the rock out the way and I get my fricking Lean Cuisines into the freezer before they melt. But seriously, seirously, this is why I think it was the nanny. Becuase WHAT mom, even a Manch-Mom, would let their little blonde sweetie-pie drive their 2 mpg Power Wheels in the fucking street????
WTF!!!???
Speaking of Lean Cuisines, you ever notice how men don't eat them?
Now, I get them for two reasons:
1) Low cal lunch. Women can't be the only ones interested in cutting calories. I myself have been at it for the last five years or so, around the time I figured out how much it sucks to be a fattie (with varying, yo-yoing, ridiculously back-and-forth levels of success; but hey that's the way it shakes for those of us of a certain carriage).
2) Um, for a lady of a certain carriage? Fu, she cannot cook. Noooo no no. Cannot cook. Tonight, I got some pre-prepared (and actually pretty low fat!) veggie egg rolls from the supermarket. I burned them. In the microwave. Yes.
Now, in my experience, most men I know aren't really masters in the kitchen either. They also can be far lazier than chicks when it comes to things like slaving over a hot stove.
So why no men in the Lean Cuisine aisle? Do you just get the fattening stuff for your convenience food, like the Hungry Man meals and the Mama Celeste pizzas? I'd respect you if that's the case, but what about the fat guys?
(Oh wait, I forgot. Guys lose weight in their f'n sleep without even trying. Fuckers.)
Oh, and again on the Power Wheels chickie-poo. I think half my bitterness was ALWAYS wanting a Power Wheels Barbie Jeep growing up.
Yes. I am 27, and was jealous of a 3-year old. Shut up.
4 comments:
Guys don't eat them because there is like 3 grams of actual food in them. I'd have to eat like six to be full. It kind of defeats the purpose.
CaptainRon
1- You should of ran the little bitch over and yelled at the mother to do her friggen job and PROTECT the little girl.
2-Lean Cuisine are not healthy meals.
Look at how many ingredients are in those......processed food is bad.
All frozen dinners are bad......even the best ones are bad. Try and find something you like that you can cook in mass.....like I cook 2 pounds of chicken ground meat, stir fry in peppers, onions and brocolli and add brown rice and some low sodium terriyaki....it makes enough food for like 3 dinners.
Kids are the devil......
Hey, I never said they were *healthy*, I said they were lo-cal! Hahah...and my eyes glazed over at the little recipe there. I burned PRE-PREPARED MEAL IN THE MICROWAVE. how did that even happen? I am cursed.
I am seriously sitting here at my desk AT WORK crying! You are cracking me up. I am so right there with you on the little kiddies ... and the lean cuisines. I will be back to read more. I need the excitement :)
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